"Teach Her to Question Language"

Language shapes the way that we live our lives. We create definitions and constructs in order to organize and understand the world around us. Like all things that are “well intended” in our society, excuses are often made for people who participate and are complacent in sexist culture.  Even if it’s not apparent, words/phrases/language reinforce gender inequality.  

The open letter format of Dear Ijeawele, by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, allows the audience to read advice and personal accounts from the author to a close friend. In fifteen suggestions Adichie paints the picture of what it means to grow up as a woman in Nigerian and American culture and how it impacts everyone in these societies; girls, boys; young and old. The manifesto shows the impact of our words and language and the influence we have over younger generations.  

Adichie’s sixth suggestion is “teach her to question language” (26). Throughout the whole piece, Adichie gives examples of language such as: not thinking of parenting as “doing it all”, rejecting the language of “help”, the Feminism Lite language of “allowing”, the importance of books, marriage as an achievement, the values of Mr. and Mrs., likability, immorality, shame and lastly, being non-judgmental. These social constructs shape us every day! Essentially in order to teach your child how to be a feminist you must reconstruct your ideas of femininity and masculinity.  

I appreciate that Adichie explicitly uses her sixth suggestion to expose this phenomenon of language and specifically how it contributes to double standards amongst genders. She returns to her second “Feminist Tool”, “Can you reverse X and get the same results?” (6) So often, women’s characteristics, qualities, emotions and reactions are diminished or disregarded simply because we are women. Especially, if they happen to be characteristics, qualities, emotions and reactions that are typically reserved for men. So, when in doubt usAdichie’s suggestion to “teach her that if you criticize X in women but do not criticize X in men, then you do not have a problem with X, you have a problem with women”. We all carry unconscious biases and stigmas. By checking our language at the door, we can begin to adapt our beliefs about gender to make a more modern and compassionate society.  

All of this only scratches the surface of Adichie’s voice and message. It's crucial that we discuss feminism and sexism with women and men. But as Adichie writes, “we feminists can sometimes be too jargony, and jargon can sometimes feel so abstract” (27). Like the exercise we did in class, we as humans need to be vulnerable and honest with each other about our experiences with gender inequality and get to the root of why we should all be feminists.  

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