Reversing X to get the same Results

 Throughout the second half of her novel, Adichie’s thoughts remain true to the guiding principle and question, “Can you reverse X and get the same results” (6)?  In other words, Adichie asks readers, does the same experience that a woman undergoes equal the experience that her male counterpart undergoes?  Oftentimes, as Adichie points out, the answer is no.  


In discussing the impact that a woman encounters in changing her name upon marriage, Adichie guides readers to consider the ways marriage impacts a man’s identity.  She writes, “This new ‘becoming’ would not matter so much if men, too, had to undergo it … women should not be expected to make marriage-based decisions that men are not expected to make” (35-36).  In this situation, Adichie clarifies that women are held to a different, and much more rigorous standard when it comes to formalities associated with marriage.  Where men are able to keep their names and identities, women are often pressured into altering theirs.

 

When Adichie’s letter provides guidance about a daughter’s appearance in her tenth suggestion, she reminds the reader not to devote too deep a focus or attention to their daughter’s appearance.  In recalling the long Saturdays that she used to spend getting her hair “neat” and put together, Adichie wonders, “Imagine if we had not spent so many Saturdays of our childhood and teenagehood doing our hair.  What might we have learned?  In what ways might we have grown?  What did boys do on Saturdays” (45)?  In this new context, Adichie continues to implement her theory and question of, “Can you reverse X and get the same results” (6)?  She is mindful of the ways in which young girls are conditioned to devote time to their appearance, while young boys oftentimes don’t think twice about their appearance.  The disparity between these two expectations leads young boys to exciting and innovative weekends, while young girls are often caught up in their hair.  As Adichie continually reiterates, equality does not exist under these circumstances.

 

A third instance in which Adichie applies this question to realistic situations is in her thirteenth suggestion, which encourages the reader to talk to her daughter about love.  Adichie writes, “Teach her that love is not only to give but to take … we teach girls that a large component of their ability to love is their ability to sacrifice their selves.  We do not teach this to boys” (56).  This example so importantly responds to the question of if the same standards apply to men as they do to women, when it comes to love.  And although the answer is no, and Adichie confirms that women are expected to give more of themselves in love, and wait for a proposal from a man, she also notes optimism.  Adichie writes that she wishes for a world in which it is normal that, “a relationship has become so comfortable, so joy-filled, that whether or not to embark on marriage becomes a conversation, itself filled with joy” (58-59).

 

In this proposal, as in many others that Adichie offers, individuals can work to affirm her question at the offset of the novel.  If a proposal becomes a conversation, rather than a male offer, then it would indeed be true that you could “reverse X and get the same results” (6).  Adichie suggests that we should seek out ways to re-write and alter moment to fit this criteria throughout our lives.

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