The balance of control
Alison Bechdel draws on her most forming life experiences in her graphic autobiography Fun Home. Here she discusses how her family, particularly her father, impacted her development. Her father was someone whose selfish choices impacted her life and how she identified herself. Bechdel draws on the theme of control by discussing her father’s lack of it, which directly opposed her intense need for it. There are consequences for acting without self-control that can lead to continuous issues in other’s lives and in society. Control is a feature of life that is desired and needed in a balanced sense, which can be seen in self-discipline, but there are extremes that fluctuate both ways which can lead to overexertion and lack of meaning, which Bechdel discusses through her own relationship with her father.
Bechdel discovers that her father is a homosexual man who had affairs with young boys, many of whom she knew directly throughout her childhood. He had these affairs despite his better judgment of how it may impact his wife or his children. Bechdel discusses the direct impacts of the tension in the family when her OCD became more intense and her family began living only for themselves because that was the only thing they could control (Bechdel 139). Bechdel is a clear inversion of her father, as she notes when she realizes his feminine qualities directly contradict her masculine ones (Bechdel 98), which then correlates with her need for control in order to respond to his lack of it. OCD revolves around a need for control, as performing the obsessive rituals provides a sense of control over an aspect of life that otherwise would go astray (Kyrios & Moulding 580). Her father, though, lacks the self-control necessary to act according to social and moral construction. He does not stay faithful to his wife or family, as well as preys on younger men to fill his personal void. Bechdel discusses her father’s lack of control by comparing him to a gluttonous character in The Importance of Being Earnest (Bechdel 166) who cannot stop eating cucumber sandwiches, like her father. He cannot stop acting on his sexual impulses to be with young men, despite his child’s need for a solid father figure to create a healthy childhood. He did not have the motivation to act in the capacity needed of him, which may have contributed to his depression and eventual suicide. This lack of attention and time spent in the appropriate setting could be a direct cause of Bechdel’s incessant need for control, leading her to develop OCD, hoping to control whatever she could. Self-control is a necessary component of being a functioning adult, especially one who is meant to be looking after and caring for another generation.
Self-control goes directly with self-discipline, which is a daily struggle as a student. I am consistently impressed with the self-discipline of the eighth-grader I tutor at Bridges. She is always present and willing to work. The past two weeks she hasn’t had any homework she needs help with, so we began creating a Spanish study sheet because it is a class she struggles with. She does not normally get homework for the class, so I am simply helping her become more familiar with the information. Today we even finished going over what they had learned in class, but she wanted to keep going to get ahead of the class and be extra-prepared. This is a perfect example of good self-discipline, as she uses the time with Bridges to do something constructive, rather than skipping Bridges or doing work she does not actually need help with.
Control is needed to function in the greater society as someone who is respected. Bechdel discusses the fine line between a complete lack of self-control and an overwhelming need for control. Her father does not have the motivation to suppress his inappropriate and criminal feelings, which impacts his mental health, potentially being a leading cause of his suicide. Bechdel then walks the opposite line and seeks self-control through her rituals, but these become obsessive and impact her life immensely. There is a balance to the need for control, but one toxic end can invariably impact the other, as there are influential factors of both. Self-discipline is a necessary factor, though, that can lead to great developments and growth, particularly as a student. These three perspectives show how control influences everyday life and contributes the well-being of individuals.
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