A Nature of Two Sides

    In my personal opinion, one of the interesting aspects in the second half of the book (and the book overall) is Alison's father's double sided nature or conflicting emotions. One side of his nature is his attraction towards things and actions that are traditionally thought of as feminine For example, one of her father's pictures that depict him "a women's bathing suit" but the pose is "lissome and elegant" and the fact he has a picture of him wearing women's clothing can be seen as him enjoying doing those actions and trying all kinds of clothing (120). Another similar example is when he said "I'd dress up in Girl's clothes" and is important to understand because it clearly shows that he gains enjoyment in trying clothes that one may think are traditionally for women (221). In addition, he had said that "when I was little, I really wanted to be a girl" which I believe is a important statement (221). The reason for my importance attached his statement is that it highlights that he has always had a liking towards more traditionally feminine  things (since being a little girl would make it more accepting in the eyes of others during his time to wear girl clothes).In addition, the statement also expresses his desire in wanting to be free from the public opinion or maybe his own family's opinion about a boy liking traditionally feminine things and a way to be was be a girl, so that its more accepting in eyes of some people. 

    However, just as Alison's Father enjoyed traditionally feminine things, he also showcased dislike and fear towards some people who may be more open about their desires and his dislike extended to himself as well. To start off, we can look towards Alison's father reaction when he saw a woman wearing what is considered traditionally male clothing, as he says, "is that what you want to look like?" to kid Alison (118). The way that is bolded in the statement makes it fairly clear that her father is showing a outward  strong dislike towards the woman wearing the clothing. His dislike towards the woman (who we can infer is open about her desire to traditionally male clothing and active in that desire) showcases an interesting combination of nature. The interesting part of his nature and emotions is that while he does admit that he dressed in girl's clothing when he was younger and enjoyed it as well, but looking at someone else doing a similar thing but with male clothing causes him to completely reject it (at least from an outward view) and there could be various reasons for his dislike. One  possible reason that Alison gives for her father reaction to the woman is that he was "haunted" by the image of the woman (119).  

Alison's Father's dislike not only extended to those who expressed the desires openly even if it may be against what was socially acceptable at the time, but also to himself. For example, when Alison is describing how her father's secret almost surfaced, she describes how her father (after he said he was going to a psychiatrist) said "I'm bad, not good like you" (153). In the context of the statement (after he was sentenced to counseling after his incident with another male) , we can conclude that the bad he is referring to his attraction towards males while he is calling Alison good because of his assumption that Alison is straight and straight is good. The reason why this scene was impactful for me is because is highlights the double sided nature (or conflicting emotions) for Alison's Father. He enjoys feminine things and has an attraction towards males, but he also sees himself as bad for liking males. Furthermore, the counseling that he is going we could assume is conservation therapy, as a way for him to fix the supposed "bad" in his nature. 

Overall, Alison's Father's double sided nature (or conflicting emotions) as he likes feminine things and males but also sees himself as bad for liking males is what struck out to me in the second half of the book. The reason why I believe this aspect of the book is important to understand is because it sheds some light on the conflict for those who may have the  double sided nature or conflicting emotions that Alison's Father had as he enjoyed feminine things and males, but couldn't see himself as a good person because he liked males. To gain more insight into those conflicting emotions or doubled sided nature, I believe is important as we move towards a different mindset and accepting towards homosexuality, and masculine and feminine traits. Because it allows us to be more understanding and hopefully a support for those who are feeling what Alison's Father's had felt. 

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