Thoughts on Suggestion 8

The feminist manifesto, Dear Ijeawele, by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, was such an eye-opening read for me and truly taught me so much about feminism and our society. Like the book, though each suggestion was short in length, they were all jam-packed with wisdom and knowledge; I feel like I could read this book over and over and never cease to learn more every time. One part that stood out to me in the second half of the book was suggestion 8 in which Adichie advises her friend to teach her daughter to “reject likeability”(Adichie 36). This is such an interesting concept to me, and something I would like to explore more.


By using the term “reject likeability” (Adichie 36), Adichie is saying that girls should not be taught to live their lives to be “likeable”. She then made a point that I had not before thought about. She said that girls are taught to be likeable and nice while boys are not taught the same. I have definitely noticed this in my life, and can attest to the claim that it can be stifling. She goes on to say that sexual predators take advantage of girls who live to be “likeable” because they will have a hard time saying “No” or reporting abuse after the fact. I had never really thought about how toxic and dangerous this lesson could be to young girls, and am glad I can understand that now when thinking about my own future daughter.


Something else in this suggestion that I resonated with was when Adichie said her friend “would often tell me that ‘people’ would not ‘like’ something I wanted to say or do”(Adichie 37). I assume that a lot of the instances in which her friend would disapprove would be regarding Adichie’s activism in feminist matters, and this is something I relate to and find interesting. During my senior year of high school, I did a semester long project in which four other classmates and I tackled the topic of “Rape Culture” in our school. We advocated for more education in the wellness curriculum and even ended up discussing our idea with state representatives. Throughout this process, I always felt pressure to find a balance in the way we were presenting our information. On one hand, I did not want to come off as an “angry feminist” when expressing my ideas on rape culture because I was worried boys may feel victimized or defensive, however, I did not want to sell short how big of an issue this is and that it IS gender specific. I feel like feminism is very interesting in this way, and I liked the way Adichie summed it up and recommended to future generations the best way to approach the topic.


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